Crumbs in the Jelly Jar
Dave Faust
Crumbs in the Jelly Jar
Publication: The Lookout
Date: November 30, 1997
Column: From the Editor's Desk
Category: Family
There were toast crumbs in the jelly jar again this morning.
OK, to be more precise—it really wasn't jelly, it was strawberry jam. And it really wasn't a big deal, just a minor irritation. But it bugs me when other members of the family don't wipe off the knife before they plunge it into the jelly jar and leave behind flecks of peanut butter and crumbs of toast—just as it bugs them when I can't resist eating a spoonful of ice cream straight from the carton.
Family life overflows with little irritations. Does it bother you when someone leaves the cap off the toothpaste tube or tosses a wet towel onto the floor? Are you annoyed to find sticky residue on the kitchen floor from spilled soft drinks, or petrified french fries and greasy sandwich wrappers left in the car?
Minor irritations can swell into major confrontations, especially when there are teenagers in the house. Small skirmishes ("Do your homework," "Eat your vegetables") give way to bigger battles ("Why did you get home so late last night? Where did you go with your friends? Why did you squander your money on things you don't need?").
Holiday gatherings can spotlight a family's flaws and make family togetherness feel like too much of a good thing. By now you may have eaten your fill of turkey and pumpkin pie, and even though you love your family, you're a little weary of Uncle Joe's corny jokes, Aunt Jane's smothering hugs, or the noise and clutter the grandkids make.
Other family problems are more than mildly annoying. Some folks have endured unspeakable pain in their homes—emotional cruelty, neglect, abandonment, and abuse. In situations like these, family members are extremely hard to love.
But none of this surprises God. The Bible portrays family problems with unflinching realism. Adam and Eve's disobedience. Cain's violence. Noah's drunkenness. Abraham's lies. Isaac and Rebekah's favoritism. Jacob's cunning plots. Esau's coarseness. The hatred of Joseph's brothers. And that's just in Genesis.
Elsewhere we read of Nabal's cruelty, David's adultery, Solomon's polygamy, Jezebel's hostility. Families endured an amazing array of hurts. Hannah wept because she was childless; David wept over his rebellious son Absalom. Joseph and Mary moved their family far from home to the unfriendly nation of Egypt to escape an even less friendly King Herod. At one point Jesus' brothers didn't believe in him, and Mary endured the indignity of seeing Jesus rejected in her home town of Nazareth and crucified in the capital city of Jerusalem.
Nevertheless, God has never given up on the family. Nowhere does the Lord say, "Forget it. My plan for the home just isn't working." Instead, God's Word shows how imperfect people can replace destructive patterns of sin with healthy habits of righteousness. Patience, forbearance, forgiveness, discipline, respect, gentleness, sacrificial love—virtues like these aren't outdated or impossible. They offer hope that even members of flawed families like yours and mine can honor God and find joy in one another's presence. God's plan for the home still works when we work the plan.
Despite the daily irritations in my household, I wouldn't trade my wife and kids for all the wealth in the world.
I will, however, continue to avoid the strawberry jam.
This column first appeared in The Lookout on Nov 30, 1997.
Count Your Mini Blessings
When my children were small, their mealtime prayers were remarkably specific. We taught them to pray with their hands folded and eyes closed, but occasionally they would lift an eyelid and sneak a peek at the dinner table. Lest any of God's blessings should go unmentioned, they prayed something like this: "Dear God, thank you for the meat loaf, and the mashed potatoes, and the rolls." Then (after a moment of hesitation), "Thank you for the brussels sprouts, even though most of us don't like them. Amen."
Cry Room
In the past, many church buildings had “cry rooms.” Moms and dads corralled their squirming kids during church services while preachers tried to speak above the babies’ noisy cries and listeners struggled to pay attention (or secretly welcomed the distraction). Frazzled parents tried to cajole their noisy babies into silence, and when unsuccessful, removed them to the cry room for the rest of the service.