Unexpected Friendships

Like precious jewels, friends can be found in surprising places.

Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Antonin Scalia were ideological opposites on the U.S. Supreme Court. She was a liberal icon and he was a staunch conservative, but they treated each other with humor and mutual respect.

Muhammad Ali was a brash boxer and Howard Cosell was a sharp-tongued sportscaster, but they enjoyed bantering and teasing each other.

The British Prime Minister, Winston Churchill, developed an unexpected friendship with the silent film comedian Charlie Chaplin. Chaplin once said Churchill “used words like a great actor uses gestures.”

The political rivals Thomas Jefferson and John Adams attacked each other bitterly during the 1800 presidential election. But after years of silence, they rekindled a positive relationship in old age, exchanging over 150 respectful letters until both died on July 4, 1826.

The satirical writer Mark Twain developed an unexpected friendship with Ulysses S. Grant, the stoic Civil War general and 18th president of the United States. Twain admired Grant’s honesty and courage, and he helped Grant publish his memoirs while the former president was dying of cancer.

Ronald Reagan was a conservative Republican, but his warm relationship with Tip O’Neill, the liberal Democratic Speaker of the House, helped them move legislative initiatives through Congress.

The Restoration Movement champion Alexander Campbell vigorously debated the utopian socialist Robert Owen. Their beliefs clashed harshly, but their personal interactions were remarkably civil. Campbell welcomed his debate opponent to his home near Bethany, West Virginia, and he reportedly remarked that Owen treated him more like a gentleman than any of the preachers he debated.

Surprising Friendships in the Bible

The 12 apostles included some unexpected personality combinations. Jesus teamed up Matthew the tax collector with Simon the Zealot (Matthew 10:2-4). And the analytical, skeptical Thomas doesn’t seem like a natural fit with the fiery Sons of Thunder, James and John.

Pharisees and Herodians usually had nothing to do with each other, but they found common ground in their animosity toward Jesus, and they put aside their differences to plot the Lord’s death (Mark 3:6). During Jesus’ trial, “Herod and Pilate became friends—before this they had been enemies” (Luke 23:12).

One of the most surprising friendships described in the Bible is the relationship we can have with God. Rebellious and self-willed, we have treated the Lord like an enemy, but Scripture declares: “While we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8) and he chooses to call us friends (John 15:13-15).

Venturing Outside the Friendship Comfort Zone

In my book, Not Too Old—Turning Your Later Years into Greater Years (College Press, 2024), I describe three kinds of friendships we should pursue as we age: OLD friends, GOLD friends, and BOLD friends.

Old friends are those you have known for a long time, with whom you enjoy comfortable chemistry and many shared experiences. Old friends are familiar faces you see at church, neighbors who call out cheerful “hellos” when you walk past their homes, and former classmates you have known since high school or college. Some of these old friends I call “gold friends,” because like gold, such friendships are rare and durable—and they stay beautiful over many years.

But we also need some “bold” friends, and bold friendships require intentional cultivation and persistent effort. Do you restrict your social interactions to familiar acquaintances who have a lot in common with you? Are you pursuing any bold friendships that expand your relational comfort zone? For example:

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Our church has a program called King’s Men (K Men for short). A group of six to eight men agree to read a series of books on the Christian life and meet together once a month for about eight months at the homes of the various men (or in restaurants). After eating together, the guys discuss what they learned from the book and pray together. For years, I resisted being part of a K Men group because I already have a busy schedule (and I didn’t relish the idea of assigned reading!). But when I finally joined the program, I was surprised how much I liked it. Young men in their twenties and thirties invited me to their homes where I ate with them and learned about the questions, stresses, and challenges they face.

So I urge you: Make some bold friends. Start or join a small group where most of the participants don’t already know each other. Connect with your neighbors. Invest in relationships outside your comfort zone. Get involved and stay involved in your local church. And don’t be surprised if you find new friends in unexpected places.